I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
