Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
