just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize