talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
