Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
