Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
