You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
