I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
