I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
