i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
