Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize