Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
