does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
