I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
