Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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