doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
