He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
