dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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