Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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