My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
