Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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