Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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