ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do vagina's smell?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize