how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
