You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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