Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the condom got lost in my hair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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