dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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