We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
