I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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