D3 body, D1 cock
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
