i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
