doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
