My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
