You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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