tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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