The maid of honor just puked.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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