so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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