No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
