We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
