i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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