He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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