so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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