he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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