Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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