stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
