the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
