i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
