Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
