dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize