You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
