There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
