Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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