One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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