If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
