I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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