see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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