If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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