I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
