Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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