I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
