Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
