Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
