i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
