I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
