dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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