don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
