I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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