Who wears a wallet chain?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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