We're facebook friends in real life
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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