Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize