The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
