So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
