To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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