nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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