I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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