we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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