if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
