I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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