Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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