P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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