my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
