so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
