Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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