The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
