remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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