Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
