dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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