Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
