ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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