how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
