Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
