At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
