just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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