Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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