I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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