tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
