Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
