Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
