I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
