Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
