I cockslap morals
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it glows. i had to have it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize